Sometimes without you knowing it, you met me, a person who is in the midst of a neurotransmitter instability in her brain. She looks normal but is actually lost in the Mariana Trench. Yes that’s right… the deepest trench on earth.
I know, introducing the other side of your mind to other people is not easy. It feels better when they know you are fine. That way there is no need to worry about being called an “ungrateful human being”.
Isn’t it really hard to explain to those who don’t know what it feels like to be “trapped”?. This is not just a matter of buying a Hermes bag and immediately feeling happy, this is also not just getting a vacation opportunity to Maldives and immediately getting excited about life, or just getting 1 million followers on Instagram and feeling life is meaningful. No, it’s not about getting “stuff”, it’s never about having something that you don’t have.
Trust me… there are people out there with all the perfection on the outside but are stuck in their thoughts. There are those who just laugh out loud in front of many people and then cry in the middle of the night because they feel helpless.
And I am one of them.
Never mind constructing poetic words, speaking words without trite is still hard to do, but I know there are many people who feel the same way, who are too afraid to tell stories or who don’t know where to start describing this invisible pain. That’s why I tell stories here. It may look dramatic, ridiculous, random and so on.
But I don’t care.
I don’t know how far I can speak or to what extent I can fight my dark thoughts. I also don’t know to what extent the words I write can make you understand. Because, to be honest, I’m not a writer trained to dance with words.
But one thing I want is to only make souls who are drowning in poignant words feel accompanied, make midnight sobs that occur for no apparent reason be understandable.
Because behind this fog, I know I’m not alone and neither are you.